Stop Complaining

Once I decided to get happy, I was a woman on a mission. Without knowing exactly "how" to get happy, I put a couple of steps into action immediately that I thought would point me in the right direction. 

The first step I took was to stop complaining. 

It started really simple. At the beginning of last June, I vowed to NOT complain about the summer heat as I had about the cold winter. Things that were completely out of my control such as weather had a tendency to dictate my mood. 

The gentle cool nip and falling leaves of October were glorious and I was thankful for the impending cold weather but by February I was like Jack Nicholson in the shining. Then Spring bloomed and the beautiful sunny weather of May/June equaled a smile and even an out loud thank you to the weather gods but too much humidity and again, I was thrown. 

So I thought not complaining about the weather was a good way to start. Pretty easy, right? 

As I strolled through June on my "not complaining journey" I thought, this weather is amazing, it's not too hot, the sun is shining and life is good! July went pretty similarly. A few tough days when our AC was acting up but I was grateful for the hot sun that allowed my kids to play with the water table on the deck and the sprinkler in the backyard. I lubed them up in sunscreen and watched them squeal with delight as they splashed all day long. I was committed to enjoying the season and not worry about the humidity that always showed its ugly face in August. 

August finally came and each day that passed it was as though someone was painting my skin with sweat. I'd wipe it off and 2 minutes later I was drenched again. The kids cheeks were turning red way earlier in the day and they were cranky 30 minutes after being outside. My "not complaining" about the weather became a struggle. I found different ways to make it through that month, I took the kids to the gym more often, play places and families house to avoid being outside to soak in that humidity that I knew would put me over the edge but when September came and gave way to some relief, I celebrated! I had not complained about the weather once! I had enjoyed the season, even the hot humid days that seemed never ending. And whenever I began getting cranky at the summers heat, I'd think to myself "this is out of your control. You can't control the weather. Find something productive to do in lieu of being outside. Don't allow the weather to dictate your happiness or ability to enjoy the day.

But every now and then, no matter how focused you are on remaining positive or how far you've come on your journey to authentic happiness life is going to hand you a polar vortex. You may start off well intentioned and determined and you'll cruise through the first two months of bitter cold but by March when you haven't been outside for weeks and your children have had colds that have had you at the doctors office every other day for what feels like a month you may feel beaten down and crack. "I hate this mother bleeping cold." "Where the bleep bleep bleep is spring." "I'm going to kill someone if i don't see the sun this week." Sound familiar? I realized, I had fallen back into the complaining trap. I had two choices: allow my bad habits to slowly creep back into my life and take over giving way to more negativity or I could stop, acknowledge my complaint relapse, forgive myself and refocus on my goal. Forgiving yourself is instrumental and necessary in order to move forward (more on that in a future post) and so that's what I did.

Now I know what you're thinking, this is an example based on the weather and what life often hands us is way harder and more trying than the weather but I truly have used this same principal and approach with the same mantras to navigate my way through all those life situations. 

I continuously remind myself of what is in my control and what is out of my control and 98% of the time the only thing actually in my control was my reaction to what was occurring. 

Complaining wasn't solving anything, it was giving the problem validity with no resolution. I can accept what is occurring AND not like it but understand it is beyond what I am capable of changing. And this simple act of accepting that which is out of my control can be applied to many situations; relationships, health issues, financial obligations etc. 

I've continued this "not complaining" practice and have consciously applied it to all areas of my life. I say consciously because it takes work to control my attitude towards the "uncontrollables". 

It's our nature and we are designed to express grief, anger or frustration towards something we can not actually change. It's healthy to vent and not allow it to build up. "Getting it out" is super important as to not harbor ill feelings and resentments but to harp on something that won't change the actual outcome is wasted energy. 

So where do I draw the line? I find a trusted partner (Mike, my mom etc) and say "I need to get this off my chest. I'm going to talk for 5, 7 or 10 minutes (determined by the occurrence) and then release it." I'll literally spew everything out, take a deep breath and hand it over to the universe. 

Releasing the feelings is freeing and allows me to express my emotion without allowing it to dampen/hinder my day, attitude or the balance I'm working so hard towards achieving in my life. 

I've found this small step of not complaining has made a huge impact on my overall health, attitude and mood allowing me to focus all my energy on the absolutely positive things in my life and the world surrounding me.

I broke down...

So I told you I would be completely honest and I like to stay true to my word.  Last night I broke!  I have been so committed to this transformation and it has been exceptional in so many ways already,but turns out I'm not made of steel...I'm human, and my human deficiencies reared their ugly head last night!!

Here's the deal (and my laundry list of excuses why this happened ;-)  I like to support my niece and I like cookies, so each year we buy a few boxes of those darling little purple boxes carrying heavens love in the form of Samoa's!  My Lord those things are good!!  The problem is I am in the middle of getting in the absolute best shape of my life right? And they don't factor in to the equation so I have been choosing not to have them right now, the only problem is at this moment in time I didn't follow my own advice!  You see, (here come the excuses) I was tired from being up all night with one of the kids, I was hungry because I was not paying attention to the clock and let too much time pass between meals, and ultimately I was simply lazy and didn't take the time to follow my own advice - Stop, Challenge, Choose.  I was upset with myself but the most beautiful thing about life is that every second that passes is a chance to start FRESH!!

That's exactly what I'm doing, life is full of choices and when that was done I had a choice as to how I'd respond, and here's what I decided to do...
I stopped (the madness ;-), challenged (myself to make a better decision), and I chose not to dwell on it, but rather to learn from it and move forward in a positive light.

Life is full of ups and downs, and girl scout cookie season, so don't ever forget that each passing moment is a chance to do something better than you did before.  It's not always easy but it certainly is a lot more fun than wallowing in self pity isn't it?

Choosing Happiness

Mike mentioned in his first blog post about how this 90 day transformation would focus on physical health, spiritual health and overall happiness. For me, I'd say my biggest transformation was/is my journey towards pure, authentic happiness. I had always considered myself a happy person, I smiled a ton, thought I was upbeat, personable and laughed a lot but what I didn't really realize was that most times, my happiness tended to surround or be tied to an event, a thing, someone else's approval or someone else's idea of what being happy was etc. There were times, that I was gossiping unnecessarily, feeling terrible while doing it and would continue because - confession- hearing about someone else's downfall, heart break or failure made me for about a millisecond feel better about my position in life. Once that second was over, I felt so much worse for possibly having contributed to making someone in a bad spot, feel worse. Think about that crazy cycle. How insane is that?!? I had 4 beautiful, healthy, happy children that I adored, I LOVED being a mom, had a marriage for the books, I was physically fit and healthy, had supportive family and friends and there were times I still felt like all those wonderful amazing things weren't enough and I couldn't figure out why. What was I looking for or trying to achieve. I felt different. I had had 4 children so quickly, gave up my career to be home with them and was trying to figure out how to be a "first time mom" four times over. And with all of those changes happening, I still felt so strongly that I was exactly where I needed to be; a full time, stay at home mom but even that! Sometimes I felt embarrassed for not wanting to be at work. I was educated and had a good thing going at work, I had really enjoyed my career what was I doing giving that all up? I felt isolated and distant from a lot of things and people I had been close to - but not because of anything they were doing it was all on my own accord, I just didn't know it at the time. This began my search for real, deep, authentic happiness. The stuff that radiates and shoots out of your finger tips. I wanted to be the person that made other people feel better just by a single interaction. Always positive, always smiling, always manifesting miracles. I knew it would help me not only be a better person and wife but most importantly be the kind of mother I wanted to be. I know that this may sound a little odd or crazy to some and honestly, I was hesitant to even share this but knew by withholding this information our friends, family, community or anyone else reading this blog wouldn't fully understand the scope of the work we have and are doing to ensure we and our family is the healthiest it can be. I've had some pretty powerful results in a really short period of time. So, while Mike will focus mostly on the physical health portion of our journey, I hope to share the strides we've taken to focus our mental health on love, positivity and being overall better people.

Billy Joel - A Sobering Night

So this past week Jen and I went to see Billy Joel at Madison Square Garden.  It was an absolutely phenomenal show!  He sounded like he was playing a record, and the acoustics were fantastic!  Jen is a HUGE Billy Joel fan so to watch her enjoy the show was extra special!

Not too long ago I would've used this as an excuse, no - motivation to drink and make it a complete rager!  Not this time though, I'm committed to this transformation and I know it's going to yield amazing results for my entire family!  The biggest difference on Friday at MSG was really that I never looked at it like I was sacrificing anything because I really wasn't.  I will never forget that night and a few years back I may have never been able to remember it!  Nowadays those same excuses are now my motivation, and I hope to inspire others on the same path!  I'm not saying there's no room for cocktails, but right now I'm just choosing not to.  

When you approach a tempting situation, try this method.

1-stop - do not just act involuntarily.

2-challenge - yourself and ask "will this help me achieve my primary goal?"

3-choose - make a conscious choice to either stay the course or veer into old or poor habits.

This helps me a lot, and even when I don't make a good decision at least I know that I made it and it wasn't "habit".

Day 3 - Small Changes

So the past few days have been pretty tough for me.  My kids have a serious case of cabin fever and I have been feeling a bit under the weather.  I consider my lifestyle to be pretty healthy but changes are still difficult.  It's been a challenge to implement even these small changes we've been talking about, but what I'm learning is that after only 2 1/2 days of consistent focus on small changes I am already seeing that it's getting easier.  Making the commitment to myself to put my health at the forefront of all I do has been so rewarding.  I'm ready to kick things up a notch over this next 12 weeks and I can't wait to see what's possible!!  The best part is I have more and more friends and family joining in every day!

I've already had such a great response from so many people,  bottom line is there's a movement in this country my friends.  A movement to make the world a better place and it starts with each one of us!  Treat yourself with the respect and integrity that was intended for you the day you were born.  Give yourself a chance to be the absolute best version of YOURSELF that you can be!  The possibilities are literally endless.  About a year and a half ago I decided to stop making excuses as to why I couldn't get healthy and I made a fundamental shift in my philosophy.  These days, where I used to see excuses I now see motivation!  Motivation to be a better man, a better husband, a better father and ultimately a better human being.

It's not easy to move mountains, but we can start with a few pebbles can't we?

Follow me on twitter

Day 1 - 12 Week Transformation - Mind - Body - Spirit

So, today starts the first day of our 12 week transformation. I consider myself relatively healthy but I know I can be better, and my goal is to inspire others to be the best person they can be, transforming the body, mind, and spirit through small daily changes.

Throughout this transformation I will give whomever is interested an unparalleled level of transparency into what I'm doing. I am starting with my focus on the physical, and will look to improve my mental and spiritual sides throughout. I will be posting videos, pics, and stories as we embark on this journey. I'll be blogging about the entire experience whether they are good, bad, or ugly and I hope to have a strong following. My wife Jennifer will be (as always) right by my side and she too will be sharing her experiences as we make this improvement a way of life for us and our 4 kids.

I've already received the commitment from a few people that they'd like to join me, which has only inspired me further, so...I ask you...will you join me?

Are you interested in seeing how small daily changes can dramatically change your life? Together we can make this world a better place, it starts with you.

My goal is simple - to create long lasting relationships with great people who understand that just because you're trying to be better doesn't mean you're not good enough.

So...Are you in?

Let me know...
mike@healthcoachmike.com