Stop Complaining

Once I decided to get happy, I was a woman on a mission. Without knowing exactly "how" to get happy, I put a couple of steps into action immediately that I thought would point me in the right direction. 

The first step I took was to stop complaining. 

It started really simple. At the beginning of last June, I vowed to NOT complain about the summer heat as I had about the cold winter. Things that were completely out of my control such as weather had a tendency to dictate my mood. 

The gentle cool nip and falling leaves of October were glorious and I was thankful for the impending cold weather but by February I was like Jack Nicholson in the shining. Then Spring bloomed and the beautiful sunny weather of May/June equaled a smile and even an out loud thank you to the weather gods but too much humidity and again, I was thrown. 

So I thought not complaining about the weather was a good way to start. Pretty easy, right? 

As I strolled through June on my "not complaining journey" I thought, this weather is amazing, it's not too hot, the sun is shining and life is good! July went pretty similarly. A few tough days when our AC was acting up but I was grateful for the hot sun that allowed my kids to play with the water table on the deck and the sprinkler in the backyard. I lubed them up in sunscreen and watched them squeal with delight as they splashed all day long. I was committed to enjoying the season and not worry about the humidity that always showed its ugly face in August. 

August finally came and each day that passed it was as though someone was painting my skin with sweat. I'd wipe it off and 2 minutes later I was drenched again. The kids cheeks were turning red way earlier in the day and they were cranky 30 minutes after being outside. My "not complaining" about the weather became a struggle. I found different ways to make it through that month, I took the kids to the gym more often, play places and families house to avoid being outside to soak in that humidity that I knew would put me over the edge but when September came and gave way to some relief, I celebrated! I had not complained about the weather once! I had enjoyed the season, even the hot humid days that seemed never ending. And whenever I began getting cranky at the summers heat, I'd think to myself "this is out of your control. You can't control the weather. Find something productive to do in lieu of being outside. Don't allow the weather to dictate your happiness or ability to enjoy the day.

But every now and then, no matter how focused you are on remaining positive or how far you've come on your journey to authentic happiness life is going to hand you a polar vortex. You may start off well intentioned and determined and you'll cruise through the first two months of bitter cold but by March when you haven't been outside for weeks and your children have had colds that have had you at the doctors office every other day for what feels like a month you may feel beaten down and crack. "I hate this mother bleeping cold." "Where the bleep bleep bleep is spring." "I'm going to kill someone if i don't see the sun this week." Sound familiar? I realized, I had fallen back into the complaining trap. I had two choices: allow my bad habits to slowly creep back into my life and take over giving way to more negativity or I could stop, acknowledge my complaint relapse, forgive myself and refocus on my goal. Forgiving yourself is instrumental and necessary in order to move forward (more on that in a future post) and so that's what I did.

Now I know what you're thinking, this is an example based on the weather and what life often hands us is way harder and more trying than the weather but I truly have used this same principal and approach with the same mantras to navigate my way through all those life situations. 

I continuously remind myself of what is in my control and what is out of my control and 98% of the time the only thing actually in my control was my reaction to what was occurring. 

Complaining wasn't solving anything, it was giving the problem validity with no resolution. I can accept what is occurring AND not like it but understand it is beyond what I am capable of changing. And this simple act of accepting that which is out of my control can be applied to many situations; relationships, health issues, financial obligations etc. 

I've continued this "not complaining" practice and have consciously applied it to all areas of my life. I say consciously because it takes work to control my attitude towards the "uncontrollables". 

It's our nature and we are designed to express grief, anger or frustration towards something we can not actually change. It's healthy to vent and not allow it to build up. "Getting it out" is super important as to not harbor ill feelings and resentments but to harp on something that won't change the actual outcome is wasted energy. 

So where do I draw the line? I find a trusted partner (Mike, my mom etc) and say "I need to get this off my chest. I'm going to talk for 5, 7 or 10 minutes (determined by the occurrence) and then release it." I'll literally spew everything out, take a deep breath and hand it over to the universe. 

Releasing the feelings is freeing and allows me to express my emotion without allowing it to dampen/hinder my day, attitude or the balance I'm working so hard towards achieving in my life. 

I've found this small step of not complaining has made a huge impact on my overall health, attitude and mood allowing me to focus all my energy on the absolutely positive things in my life and the world surrounding me.